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To the non -believers

there is a saying christians are what make non-christians not to be christian.

Not long ago  i actually stopped attending sermones because i noticed that most of the consistant attenders would learn things in church and then be and do the complete opposite from what they appear to be or what we had learnt in church. So i felt that church had become infested with   hypocritesm therefore  attending with them meant i was  also part of them. So one day  i asked myself since we live in a world were there is so much criminal and cruel  activities going on around us, does that also make me cruel and a criminal as well?

The truth is most of us use that excuse to not go to church in my case ,i did and  i forgot that i myself  was  not a saint as well. Church has never been for the holy and it will never be! i mean  if is was, then none of us would be welcome!  church is for the sinners who strive to be better people and want to know  their maker better.

I understand their some people who are not made to feel welcome when they do or did try to attend church or even receive the most judgement in church or by people who say their Gods children and you wonder if Gods people  can judge me like this , what of God himself ?and  you might feel that christians should be the ones who should be more  accepting and so if they are not then we are not so different, i the non-believer and them them the believer, the truth is you are right! we should be  more accepting , because our maker continuously accepts us and we are wrong not to be but when i say i am a christian , i am a child of God i am not saying that i seize to be human along with the flaws that come with being human and i   don’t mean that i am a saint, i would love to be, but i am not and  because He knows that he will accept you just as he accepts us as well.

so when you see those who say their His and their more judgemental  and mistreat you the most, know this, their actually attending church to fix those issues! their under  therapy sessions and He is working on them thats why they never miss a church sermone and are always on time! or their more prayerful and know the bible the most. The   lord knows, he is working on them so instead of feeling out of place , feel free to go to church because they are searching for what you are searching for as well redemption  and acceptance from God  and so by being most judgemental their trying to hide their own imperfections so pay no mind to them instead  pray for them when you pray for yourself!

 

when i say i am a child of God what i mean is  as well is that God is my father and  i am his child,his daughter.

and because  i am his. everything i do in the end i always answer to him.                                 when i am happy, i celebrate with  him.                                                                                                     when i am sad, i confide in him                                                                                                  when  i do right, i answer to him                                                                                                         and even when i do wrong i still answer to him.                                                                             so just because i am a Gods child and i do wrong just like you doesn’t mean there is no difference the difference is at the begginning and end of the each  day i answer to Him , the only one who can save us , so who do you answer to ?

I belong to him, heck i am even made in his image  because He is my father! and because He is i should and will always try and try i might to please Him, to live the life that He wants me to live and if i fail to i  humbly go back to Him and ask forgiveness because with God i am never forseken . He is mine and i am His and so i trust Him in the good times and in the bad times as well because He always means well! who else can i trust if i can’t trust the one who knows me more than i know myself.      who do you trust?

Most non-believers always ask, if you say that God is the creater of all things and He is your father, why then should you ever face tough times in the world that he created? believe me i used to ask that same question myself  but then i realised pain is part of the process of grooming just as an ordinary parent desciplines his/her child so that they become better individuals so does my father,God. I know he would never put us in any situation that he knows we are incapable of handling even if we may feel like, ”this, i can’t survive.” you can and you will because He is your maker, He knows your limits!so always remain in Him and trust Him and trust the process! pain is part of the process, pain is merely weakness leaving your body and He wants you to be a masterpiece!

 

most non believers prefer to be non believers of christ because it always seems like the believers are always the ones that face the most hard times and the non believers always seem to  have it smooth or like most people say poverty is infested with christians and  because many people have come to this light. opening a churches these days has  become the quickest way to make money because most christians are now following churches that center their faith on wordly prosperity and i don’t blame the christians who feed onto these false christian path because their human! but their faith is not strong enough ,christianity is not centred on worldly prosperity but spiritual prosperity in GOD alone and so we should trust him to be our provider and he always provides us with the things that he knows we need but most people get lost on the things that they want which always leads most people into a lot of trouble  and forget what they need. we might face the most hard times but we face and triumph over them to makes us stronger and wiser and we might seem poor but thats because we are rich in God and we know that earthly things are temporary ,everything is temporary except him the creator of everything so we should seek him and him alone then he will provide the necesarry.

Being a full believer can be the most terrifying thing! trust me i know . It means giving up yourself  and living for Him alone but the thing that most people don’t realise is that when you give up yourself you are actually giving up the being that is limiting you, which is your ordinary being and when you give up your life and become born again  to Him you have allowed Him into you life, imagine having a GOD with you every  step of the way ! the one who is omnipresent, the creator of heaven and earth i mean you are bound to be SUCCESSFUL and INVINCIBLE! IN EVERY POSSIBLE WAY!

 

 

 

”Expectation is the root of all heartache”

      ” i always feel happy, you know why?                                                                                                  because i dont expect anything from anyone                                                                                  expectations always hurt,life is short,so love yourself.                                                                  Be happy and keep smiling  just live foryourself and                                                                                               Before you speak,listen.                                                                                                                         Before you write,think                                                                                                                            Before you spend,earn.                                                                                                                         Before you pray,forgive                                                                                                                         Before you hurt,feel                                                                                                                               Before you hate,love                                                                                                                             Before you quit,try.                                                                                                                                 Before you die, live.”                                                                     

I was diagnosed with severe depression in my final year of high school and to be honest  i wasn’t suprised at all, unlike my parents when  my short term therapist finally came to that conclusion, because honestly it had been a long time coming.  Depression had been something i  had been suffering from since third grade and from then as years went by i had nurtured it and it in turn it had nested,reproduced and grown in size and impact over my life that i only gave it its name when i was now  sixteen years old. I was even more suprised by how i had managed to carry it so well for thirteen years when it was destroying me internally.

Now i have come to a realisation and that is EXPECTATION was the main source of me plunging into depression.  nevermind the fact that i had been the victim in the first place but in EXPECTING i remained a victim for so long.

I was hurting and  that hurt grew into bitterness and resentment  then eventually i came into an numbness then plunged into depression which grew into severe depression.

And i say expectation was the main source of me becoming depressed because when you expect people to act in a certain  way towards you, to make their decisions having you and your feelings in mind and  when they prove not to you immediately make yourself a victim, a victim of their choices and actions in ”consequence” to you.

And its even more dangerous when you don’t communicate your feelings because when you don’t, you create a war within yourself, a war that could or couldn’t have happened with the one  you believe has hurt and let you down  but an internal war nonetheless  when  you don’t  voice yourself.

And the funny thing is that most times whilst you are in battle with yourself your supposed offender is simply moving on with their lives without them even realising that they did  you any  ”harm.”  and i say this from experience because i expected the person who hurt me to simply appologise, acknowledge that their selfish actions were wrong and hurtful to me! as if in them admitting and appologising it would somehow be the key to free me from myself but the truth is ” you cannot find healing from the one that broke you” you are the only one who can free yourself! and because i didn’t know then what i know now i became  resentful and grew even more resentful when i  managed to express my  feelings and they didn’t even seem to understand how they offended me ! because to them they were simply being themselves! and living the life they wanted.

and because we   EXPECT  we  created a personna which is far from reality and even more so far from who the person  really is! i was simply hurt and offended because they turned out to be not what i  was  expecting them to be for me.

people are made  and groomed differently and because their made and groomed  differently their not going to love you and treat you  entirely the way that you want them to  or expect them to! people will love and treat you the way they  themselves know how to or want to.  people are not mind readers !!! and i finally  came to that conclusion when i realised that because i expected my parents to notice a change in myself simply because i was part of them and they were part of me. I became angry with them which bloomed into  bitterness  and because i kept expecting i stopped myself from getting help sooner, before it became worse and its true what they say,the hardest prison to escape is the one we create ourselves and so  i soldiered on, battling with  the  demons  i created  myself and I  felt so alone and the greatest danger a depressed person can be in, is be  and feel  alone !  another thing was that, all my life i had  always expected people to do unto me what i do  for them because thats what we grow up being taught as children but life is not like that , far from it actually people make their own rules of living ! and because i had that mind set i kept on  facing dissapointment and heartache,i began to feel like an enermy of the universe.

”expectation is the root of all heartache”- willian shakespeare

another one of my favourite quotes comes from maya angelou and she says ;

  ” i am a human being and because i am, nothing human                                                                  can be alien to me”

And my understanding of  this quotation is that before you start expecting and creating personnas take time to really know people,without expections! ”before you speak,listen’ because once you know who you are dealing with, you come to realise what everyone knows themselves and that  is because we are human, we are bound to make mistakes but because we had first  created a personna of that person they seize to be human, without blame or imperferctions and so when people  show you, who they are, believe them! because they know themselves!  ”when people show you who they are, believe them”- maya angelou .  

And once you begin to know people  really for who they  truly are there is simply no room for  expections and  even when you tell and  teach them how to love and treat you! because you first took  the necessary time to study them.You yourself will know what they are and what they can never be to you even when they say otherwise! and that is called understanding people and your situation and with understanding comes acceptance and acceptance terminates denial, because denial blocks forgiveness.So once i accepted my situation and that i was never a victim in the first place, i made myself a victim not the situation and all that came with it. I started to forgive and once  i forgave i  set myself free ! and there was no more  room whatsover for expectations because i  became realistic!

But make no mistake acceptance doesn’t mean settling. You accept and forgive but refuse  to be disadvantaged! because everyone can be better its simply a matter of choice!

In conclusion that is why shakespeare states that we should live for ourselves because when you begin to live for yourself, you start to form a relationship with one self  which results in you yourself  knowing  your strenghts and dare i not say weaknesses because when you simply love and accept yourself  nothing about yourself is to your disadvantage.  and i press on the issue of being whole with yourself because when you are whole with one self no dissappointments or headaches will ever be able to nest in you only happiness because  you  will have  mastered  the art of loving and letting go because you’ll  know that what is meant for you will stay and what is not will leave.            – no expectations!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What is cultural appropriation?

So today I was on Instagram and I came across this picture and to all those who follow Kim Kardashian should know that recently she’s been rocking these cornrows and has been getting some backlash about her new look especially from the black society.

So I decided to write my thoughts about it because it really is an important subject.

What is the meaning of cultural appropriation, Honestly? .

And does it only apply to the non – black race?

Who says that coloured eyes are only meant for the non- blacks because it’s the norme? because this was what my friend was told in high school after she came back from the optician with colored contact lenses because she was neither colored nor white but a black African girl? or that black people should not have silky ,wavy hair and that braiding belongs to the black society ?

We should not forget that people make culture and not that the culture makes the people.

Or the fact that culture is determined by fashion and because fashion is malleable so is culture.

Are we not limiting ourselves by saying because you look a certain way you should not be and act a certain way.

Aren’t we the ones who were fighting against the misconception that as a career women you should have relaxed straight hair if you a black girl ? Because afros,curls and corn rows were not considered professional because the the white women did not have that type of hair?

So why are we not celebrating the fact that these popular women like Kim love and appreciate our culture and that it’s a step forward to say if they are non-black women imitation what we as black women stand for then we too in our original black hair glory are important!

I learnt at an all girl’s high school which was a private school with mostly white people in majority and the other races were in minority and I remember the woman who was in charge of uniform presentation was a black woman and for us uniform meant from the hair to the shoes.

And I remember coloureds and non- whites were not allowed to braid their hair period because it was said to be not of their culture and to be honest I used to agree with the rule 100% and that was because I always used to feel that the non – black girls had so much of an advantage because they already had long hair so they didn’t need to braid or put long extensions just to have long hair and in truth I only thought that way because I very insecure and wished that I also would have had that type of hair, but as I grew up I realized that no race was at an disadvantage because black hair is beautiful ! I grew to love my hair and all its potential , I loved the way it would not spike out of the braid or untangle easily and how it was flexible but not slippery in its non so smooth nature and I could apply and style it any way. I mean Black hair options are endless! that was when I realized in appreciating the black girl magic and all it came with I too began to also accept and appreciate other racial hair without feeling inferior.

that is why I felt disappointed when I saw that article about people bashing Kim Kardashian and not even only her but the white girls who do as well because it’s just like how my high school teachers would not allow the non – black girls to braid their hair but when they themselves are putting on long silky weaves and wigs just to feel and have hair like the non- black s they were prohibiting.

why is that as black women we feel that we are the only ones with the right to have and to look which ever way we please just because of what we as black people have suffered under the arms of the non-blacks?

Are we not still making ourselves victims and accepting that they have power over us because we care too much.

Why can we put hair that is nothing close to our black ethnicity and culture just to have smooth ,silky and wavy hair like the white girls but won’t allow the same non- blacks that we are so desperately trying to imitate to also braid their hair and imitate us the same way?

Is that fair?

I know most black women feel that long back our whole being was not considered as being special enough as the white women. As we could be used as sex slaves but not appreciated the same way And I agree with this but how can we as black people preach about moving on from racial misconduct when we as black people ourselves cannot move on from it .

instead we should be proud to say our black culture is now being upheld to the extent of the non – black women wanting to be and to look like us.

To me honestly it shows cultural appreciation. so we need to stop throwing around the word cultural appropriation because we do not hear them throwing that word to us when we spent thousands of money on 100% human hair extensions just to feel and look like them.

Instead let’s celebrate the meaning of being a women being able to be and to look which ever way we please without being told do so.

The confusion that women make about feminism and women equality

Are we really equal to men ?

Or are we equal to men and more ?

Yes we are equal to men because we women can be sensible and smart  with out being emotional

Yes we women can lead , own and run  business just as men can do

Yes we as women can also be strong and do any kind of job that any man can.

And yes we deserve equal pay and acknowledgement as men do.

And ladies we can  deserve all that and can be all that and more.

Iv come to realize that many women are now under the misconception that you cannot be women and still be man enough.

So we try by all means to prove that we are man enough wen in reality just trying to be man enough is actually limiting ourselves as women in general .

Because we as women can be both man and woman enough

Who says being and acting like a women means you can not be man enough

That’s why there is the term super woman because women were not just made but we were created for a very special purpose .we were given the ability to feel more, to love more, to do more,to endure more  and most importantly to give life and maintain that life. something that no man can achieve even if they tried.

And ladies don’t confuse being feminist with being sexist because many women feel like they do not need a man or a husband to raise  a family because it makes you needy and week

 But who says being a mother and a wife means you cannot be a business woman or be independent?

I have  come to realize that many women are  trying to be like most  men and trying to be emotionless about most things,

but who says being emotional means you not strong enough and there for not man enough!!

Stop putting limitations on yourself by thinking you cannot be and have everything you want because you can! You can be every type of woman and still be man enough!

You can be beautiful and yet smart, you can be needy and still be independent ,you can be emotional and still strong and you can cook, clean ,give birth and get back to business because

You are a woman !! And can have everything and anything because that’s what being a female is all about being a  female and still male enough.

 

 

 

 

Heritage

one day I was watching the first episode of season 24 of Americas next top model which is one of my all time favorite shows,and as I was watching, what truly caught my attention was when this dark African girl appeared at the judges panel for her turn to be interviewed and I remember Tyra Banks totally taken by her and called her  a walking alien beauty . As I looked at her she seemed plain to me she had very short hair ,dark shiny skin with a model face and body but not a walking alien beauty like Tyra had exclaimed but ugly she was not. No different from the dark dimpled short haired women sitting next to me who I called my mother but still quite far from acquiring my mother’s beauty.

 that’s when it dawned on me that the only reason Tyra considered her to be an ultimate beauty was because she was not a black American but instead she was the real mirage of a true African girl.she was considered to be the most beautiful walking thing in that panel just as lupita was considered to be beautiful because she was in America and not in ghana , because what I know is that if these two women were in their native country they would not be considered anywhere close to being beautiful instead they were would be seen as plain. Plain not only because the were the same shade as the majority but because of their man cut hairstyle and full lips .That’s when it dawned on me that in general people tend to stand out in places where their different from the norme just as how Jews are Rich because their invest in countries rather  than their own.

same as how Nigerians live better lifestyles in countries other their own.  is it because humans are afraid of competition so we plant ourselves were less or no competition is required to shine? Or have we finally conqured fearing things and ways we don’t understand but instead label them beautiful? 

Thisis the same with interracial marriages the white men appreciate the true African women with short hair or with dread locks because they respresent the true African ethnicity .when our own African men don’t find it special.

I used to smile  every time when every black person  was considered beautiful by the white women in chimamanda adichie’s book,americanah and I smiled because this was true .so my question is to the black man who prefer and admire real hair on other racial women but when we cut our hair to be real and natural most men then prefer the women with weaves and wigs with yellow skin  as they live up to your white girl fantasies?is’nt ironic how the same white women you want us to potray their white men accept and appreciate our true self and authenticity.

My other question is to the African society, why do we as Africans not find beauty in our own heritage but instead wait to hear and to be appreciated by other continents other than our own.we bleach our skin and replace braids with weaves and wigs ,and this is the same braiding and conrow wigs that most white girls now have traded for the long and lustrious hair that we so try hard to achieve and how ironic that most men who marry the white girls prefer the braiding and cornrows on the white women but find it straight ghetto on their black women.

My point is why do we as Africans need to find acceptance by alienating ourselves from our culture and being. When the same people we are trying to Immitate find our ways intriguing and worth immitating as well.we bleach to look like them ,they tan to look like us .so I admire lupita and the model for choosing to hold on to their ways of being despite how plain I and most native africans find them because being different is beauty and it’s ashame that other continents appreciate us more than we appreciate ourselves and others.